Arkhan the Cruel's Flame-Roasted Halfling Chili

Understandably, the preparation of halfling is frowned upon in many realms, but their consumption is an important part of dragonborn cuisine. However, this recipe is rumored to be the personal one of Arkhan the Cruel, notorious disciple of the five-headed dragon goddess, Tiamat, and thus worthy of inclusion. You won't catch this ferocious and cunning Oathbreaker Paladin eating anything less than the finest halfling flesh in his chili, but the spices work wonderfully with any meat substitute you choose—in this instance, spicy ground turkey, or abyssal chicken, which is simmered for hours with kidney beans, allspice, cloves, cayenne, and a Vecna's handful of cocoa powder. This filling meat sauce can be consumed by the bowl or scooped on top of other beast (meat) or noodles.

Great

% Daily Values based on a 2,000 calorie diet

Step 1

In a small bowl, mix together the cocoa powder, chili powder, cinnamon, oregano, cumin, allspice, cloves, cayenne, ½ teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Set aside.

Step 2

In a blender or food processor, puree half the kidney beans with about ¾ cup of the broth until smooth and set aside.

Step 3

In a small Dutch oven over medium heat, fry the bacon, turning it over as necessary, until well-rendered and lightly browned, about 13 minutes. Transfer the bacon to paper towels to drain, chop it, and reserve.

Step 4

Return the pot to medium heat, add the onion and a pinch of salt to the rendered bacon fat, and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and the reserved spice mixture and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 1 minute more. Add the remaining 1¼ cups broth and bring to a simmer, stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot to loosen and dissolve any browned bits. Add the tomato puree, brown sugar, and pureed bean mixture and stir to incorporate. Add the ground turkey and break it into large chunks (it will break down more on its own). Add the remaining kidney beans and stir to mix. Adjust the heat to medium-high and bring to a simmer; then adjust the heat to medium-low and simmer to blend flavors and thicken slightly, stirring and scraping the bottom of the pot occasionally, about 30 minutes.

Step 5

Add the vinegar and reserved bacon and stir. Taste and adjust the seasoning with additional salt and pepper, if necessary. Serve with oyster crackers or noodles, cheese, and onion, as desired.

Step 6

The cocoa powder contributes both flavor complexity and a dark hue to the chili, without making it taste of chocolate. The cayenne gives a bare tingle, but you can certainly add more if you like your chili spicy-hot.