Chef John's Face Pie

Name: Chef John's Face Pie
Prep time: 1 h
Cook time: 2 h
Total time: 3 h
Cuisine: American
Ingredients: 3 cups all-purpose flour; 1 teaspoon kosher salt; 2 sticks unsalted butter, sliced, frozen; 2 teaspoons distilled white vinegar; 7 tablespoons ice cold water; 2 teaspoons kosher salt; 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper; 1 teaspoon dried thyme; 0.5 teaspoon dried sage; 0.5 teaspoon ground cinnamon; 0.5 teaspoon ground ginger; 0.25 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg; 0.25 teaspoon ground allspice; 0.25 teaspoon ground mustard; 0.125 teaspoon ground cloves; 1 pinch cayenne pepper; 1 large russet potato, peeled and quartered; 1 tablespoon butter; 1 large onion, finely chopped; 1 pinch salt; 4 cloves garlic, crushed; 0.5 cup finely diced celery; 1 pound ground beef; 1 pound ground pork; 1 large egg; 1 tablespoon water; 0.5 grape; 2 drops red food coloring, or as needed